Whispers of Change

I have been a mother for 4.5 years now. These have been, quite honestly, the most exciting and wonderful 4.5 years of my life. People say that they can't imagine life without their children, and I have to concur whole-heartedly. Being the mother to my son, Cyrus, has been amazing. I have learned so much about myself in the process of becoming this "wonder" woman to him. It has been amazing, watching him grow into this boy, this child, filled with the wonder of life every day. He amazes me with his kindness and his empathy for all things. Maybe that comes from me, those are human characteristics that I value the most, but maybe he's just a spirit that emanates love for everything that he sees. Either way, it's a beautiful thing.

4 months ago, I had my daughter, Sage. And in the past 4 months I have become a different mother. I have noticed a shift in my focus. I have noticed a change within myself. Here is what was unclear to me the moment Sage came into the world, but has become abundantly clear to me since that wonderful day. She is part of the movement, the revolution, the fight. This beautiful, bright eyed child of mine has joined the ranks with me, her mother, against the injustice and the fear that all women, everywhere must endure. I don't want that for her, I want her life to be as carefree as that of her brother's, but that will never be the case. I don't worry about her brother. Cyrus is a beautiful spirit. But, he is also a white male in an upper-middle class family. Part of his path is already laid down before him because of that fact alone. Sage however, does not have that luxury. At best, she will have to prove herself time and again simply because she is female. That she is smart, that she is driven, that she can perform as well, if not better, than her male classmates. At the worst, she will have to survive sexism from people of influence in her life, misogyny in one form or another, she will always have to be aware of her surroundings and the people that she is with, for fear that someone somewhere will feel it's their right to take advantage of her. She will have to be careful to be pretty, but not too pretty, to be opinionated but not too outspoken, too be popular but not too popular. And, if all those pressures are not enough, she will have to learn to endure and maneuver the intricacies of the teenage female psyche. The jealousy and the loathing. The way that these women, at an age when they believe that in order to shine, to be noticed, they must stand on the heads of each other and attack one another to appear strong. What they don't know yet is that if they hold each other up and stand together, and celebrate one another for their own individual successes, nothing and no one can tear them down. They are not part of the movement yet. They still believe it's a "me against them" mentality when what they need to learn is that we are in this together. I don't want Sage to ever hear me say negative things about another woman, about her appearance, her choices, her demeanor. She will hear me talk about the beauty of other women, their intelligence, their successes because she has to learn to lift her sisters up and I will model that for her. Life is different for girls, even the white upper middle class ones. Sage will learn to worry about things that Cyrus will never have to think about. Will she be able to walk to the store on the corner to grab some food at night as she gets older without getting raped? I hope to God that she will, but she'll have to think about it every step of the way. Will she have to endure a sexist boss who thinks it's ok to spew sexual innuendos at her because he thinks she won't say a thing. Will she think that she needs to bare her cleavage to secure a position rather than rely on her intelligence and her wit? Will she be pressured into having sex with her partner because she feels bad for telling him "no" or because he paid for dinner? 1:5 women in college is sexually assaulted, will she be one of them?
Whether she, or I, like it or not, she is now part of the revolution. Things are different for girls today, in the US for sure, but also if you listen closely, you can hear the whispers of change all over the world. India, Pakistan, Afghanistan, Iraq, Somalia, Rwanda - the distances we need to go in these places are vast but it is happening. Women are rising up all over the world and screaming, Enough! These ladies today have confidence and strength that we only hoped for. That gives me hope for change, for equality in life, in careers, in pay, in partnerships. I will hold her up, I will raise her to know that she is part of this movement and it is her responsibility to keep pushing it forward.  But I will also raise her to be smart, to be aware, and yes, to be scared of the what-ifs because with this strength and this courage, she also has to live the reality and unfortunately fear will be part of her reality. "Here's to Strong Women. May we know them. May we be them. May we raise them" - Unknown

Welcome Sage

Announcement

Great day to have a baby!

39 weeks and 4 days: Well, the day has FINALLY arrived! 2/21/14 will be that birthdate of my second (and final) child :) We went to the doctor yesterday and had an ultrasound to measure her size and did a cervix check to see what kind of progress we have made, if any. The good news is, that she is measuring smaller than Cyrus (which is actually not good news for me bc I've put on a total of 32 pounds this pregnancy as opposed to the 28 with Cy…eeks - got some work to do now ;( ). She is measuring at 7.11 right now but that can be off by a whole pound as it's hard to measure this late in pregnancy. As predicted, absolutely NO movement in the cervix, still just barely 1 cm. So, we decided that I will go in this afternoon at 3:30 to begin the induction process. We will start with a cervical insert today/tonight and let that soften up my cervix a bit and then the doc will come in tomorrow morning to start the pitocin drip. Boo. Oh well, we'll give it a go. If things don't progress as anticipated with her or if it looks like we'll need another birth assisted with instruments (forceps or vacuum) we are going straight to C-Section. I am SO excited to get this sweet girl out of my body and into our arms. It has been a good (ok, great) pregnancy but I'm done with it. 

Brad took a few pictures this morning in her nursery. This is the LAST time my body will look like this so I'm embracing it today:) Next week will be another story! More on that later, I'm sure ;)  

This and That For Tag

I used the rainy/snowy weekend to get a few odds and ends projects done at home in preparation for Baby Tag. I purchased a few woobies for Tag but I also wanted to make her a special one. I found this great gray chevron material and the white dot fleece material at the Quilting material and made her a 30 x 40 woobie out of it. It was a little more challenging than I thought it would be because the white dot material was SO much more stretch than the chevron material and the alignment keep screwing up. I had to rip the seam out more than once (grrrr). It did come out wonderfully though and I would like to make one just like it for our comforter on out bed :) 

I also had the pictures printed from our homemade "Baby Tag" photo shoot and put them together into a framed collage. I think it came out great and is the perfect final touch on her nursery. Brad hung her name up this weekend too so we are ready to bring this little bundle home :)

Girl's Day :)

Alison and I had a lovely Girl's Day last weekend. We haven't really had a chance to hang out together much lately so we decided to get out early:) I got a text from her at 8am so that we could get a plan on the books before the boys (Brad and Creighton) planned their Saturday of fun. The boys are so good at planning their get togethers and spend a few Saturdays a month together riding bikes or going to a few drinks, so Alison and I jumped the gun this time;) We met early at Solar Nails for Mani/Pedi and then went to Sushi Box for lunch. It was such an awesome day, I love spending time with her. I always feel so great after, she is such a positive influence and wonderfully easy going. I am glad to have her in my life :)

Sweet Henry

We took Henry to the vet on Saturday, 2/15, to have him put down. It was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. I have never had a dog long enough to get to this point in life and it was simply awful. He was 15 years old and at point in his life when it was just time. He cried every time he tried to sit or lay down, had lost his hearing, was shedding like crazy, losing weight incredibly fast, and had a hard time holding his bowels. It's just so sad because I believe that his brain was fine, in great shape really, his body just couldn't keep up.

We took him in and they gave him a sedative which really relaxed him and then gave him and overdose of a barbiturate (I don't know which one) that simply stopped his heart. It made me sick, I had this moment of panic when I wanted him back so badly after it was done. Just horrible.

That afternoon, I went to AC Moore and gathered supplies to make a shadow box for Brad (and myself) which now hangs in our room. I'm not surprised that I miss him, I'm just surprised at how much I miss him. I thought I was more ready for it than I was, I guess. I still get teary each time I was by the shadow box or find myself looking for him out in the yard or in the house. 

Skylar seems to be doing ok. I have heard of dogs dying from a broken heart when their partners die so we've been paying extra special attention to her and I think she's ok. She is definitely sad and she sort of wanders around the yard looking for him, but she is eating and getting around ok. She is 13 this year and is in great shape (surprisingly). My only issue with her is that she gets smelly like an old dog so I've committed to having her groomed every couple weeks so we don't have to deal with that part. I hope she's doing well, I don't think I could go through that again for quite some time. I know we'd like to get dogs again in our lives, but it will be a long time from now when the children are MUCH older. 

The Shadow Box of my boy in his prime. I also did a salt dough footprint of him. This is the foot that has the missing toe nail/part of toe from when he had cancer in Colorado. Had to capture that :) Such a good good boy. 

Valentines Day

Valentine's Day was nice this year. We don't make a thing of it in our family/relationship because it really is a silly "holiday" in my opinion. However, I do still like to observe it and get some little love felt thing for Brad, and of course, Cyrus. So, we started the day with pancakes that Cy and I made. His were chocolate chip and sprinkles and Brad and I had granola and cranberry ones. Yum! We don't do pancakes often so that was fun:)

We also exchanged gifts which included some nice cards, lots of chocolate, and I got each of my guys a little band for their Road IDs which says "I <3 U". Very Cute;)

We also met up with our parents for dinner at Mellow Mushroom, which was super nice. It was a fun day (and snow day from school at that) to spend as a family :)

Notice my card from B: "Nice Butt" - he's a charmer ;) 

Cy opening his present (book written with his name in it) from Mom and Dad.