Whispers of Change

I have been a mother for 4.5 years now. These have been, quite honestly, the most exciting and wonderful 4.5 years of my life. People say that they can't imagine life without their children, and I have to concur whole-heartedly. Being the mother to my son, Cyrus, has been amazing. I have learned so much about myself in the process of becoming this "wonder" woman to him. It has been amazing, watching him grow into this boy, this child, filled with the wonder of life every day. He amazes me with his kindness and his empathy for all things. Maybe that comes from me, those are human characteristics that I value the most, but maybe he's just a spirit that emanates love for everything that he sees. Either way, it's a beautiful thing.

4 months ago, I had my daughter, Sage. And in the past 4 months I have become a different mother. I have noticed a shift in my focus. I have noticed a change within myself. Here is what was unclear to me the moment Sage came into the world, but has become abundantly clear to me since that wonderful day. She is part of the movement, the revolution, the fight. This beautiful, bright eyed child of mine has joined the ranks with me, her mother, against the injustice and the fear that all women, everywhere must endure. I don't want that for her, I want her life to be as carefree as that of her brother's, but that will never be the case. I don't worry about her brother. Cyrus is a beautiful spirit. But, he is also a white male in an upper-middle class family. Part of his path is already laid down before him because of that fact alone. Sage however, does not have that luxury. At best, she will have to prove herself time and again simply because she is female. That she is smart, that she is driven, that she can perform as well, if not better, than her male classmates. At the worst, she will have to survive sexism from people of influence in her life, misogyny in one form or another, she will always have to be aware of her surroundings and the people that she is with, for fear that someone somewhere will feel it's their right to take advantage of her. She will have to be careful to be pretty, but not too pretty, to be opinionated but not too outspoken, too be popular but not too popular. And, if all those pressures are not enough, she will have to learn to endure and maneuver the intricacies of the teenage female psyche. The jealousy and the loathing. The way that these women, at an age when they believe that in order to shine, to be noticed, they must stand on the heads of each other and attack one another to appear strong. What they don't know yet is that if they hold each other up and stand together, and celebrate one another for their own individual successes, nothing and no one can tear them down. They are not part of the movement yet. They still believe it's a "me against them" mentality when what they need to learn is that we are in this together. I don't want Sage to ever hear me say negative things about another woman, about her appearance, her choices, her demeanor. She will hear me talk about the beauty of other women, their intelligence, their successes because she has to learn to lift her sisters up and I will model that for her. Life is different for girls, even the white upper middle class ones. Sage will learn to worry about things that Cyrus will never have to think about. Will she be able to walk to the store on the corner to grab some food at night as she gets older without getting raped? I hope to God that she will, but she'll have to think about it every step of the way. Will she have to endure a sexist boss who thinks it's ok to spew sexual innuendos at her because he thinks she won't say a thing. Will she think that she needs to bare her cleavage to secure a position rather than rely on her intelligence and her wit? Will she be pressured into having sex with her partner because she feels bad for telling him "no" or because he paid for dinner? 1:5 women in college is sexually assaulted, will she be one of them?
Whether she, or I, like it or not, she is now part of the revolution. Things are different for girls today, in the US for sure, but also if you listen closely, you can hear the whispers of change all over the world. India, Pakistan, Afghanistan, Iraq, Somalia, Rwanda - the distances we need to go in these places are vast but it is happening. Women are rising up all over the world and screaming, Enough! These ladies today have confidence and strength that we only hoped for. That gives me hope for change, for equality in life, in careers, in pay, in partnerships. I will hold her up, I will raise her to know that she is part of this movement and it is her responsibility to keep pushing it forward.  But I will also raise her to be smart, to be aware, and yes, to be scared of the what-ifs because with this strength and this courage, she also has to live the reality and unfortunately fear will be part of her reality. "Here's to Strong Women. May we know them. May we be them. May we raise them" - Unknown

Welcome Sage

Announcement

Great day to have a baby!

39 weeks and 4 days: Well, the day has FINALLY arrived! 2/21/14 will be that birthdate of my second (and final) child :) We went to the doctor yesterday and had an ultrasound to measure her size and did a cervix check to see what kind of progress we have made, if any. The good news is, that she is measuring smaller than Cyrus (which is actually not good news for me bc I've put on a total of 32 pounds this pregnancy as opposed to the 28 with Cy…eeks - got some work to do now ;( ). She is measuring at 7.11 right now but that can be off by a whole pound as it's hard to measure this late in pregnancy. As predicted, absolutely NO movement in the cervix, still just barely 1 cm. So, we decided that I will go in this afternoon at 3:30 to begin the induction process. We will start with a cervical insert today/tonight and let that soften up my cervix a bit and then the doc will come in tomorrow morning to start the pitocin drip. Boo. Oh well, we'll give it a go. If things don't progress as anticipated with her or if it looks like we'll need another birth assisted with instruments (forceps or vacuum) we are going straight to C-Section. I am SO excited to get this sweet girl out of my body and into our arms. It has been a good (ok, great) pregnancy but I'm done with it. 

Brad took a few pictures this morning in her nursery. This is the LAST time my body will look like this so I'm embracing it today:) Next week will be another story! More on that later, I'm sure ;)  

This and That For Tag

I used the rainy/snowy weekend to get a few odds and ends projects done at home in preparation for Baby Tag. I purchased a few woobies for Tag but I also wanted to make her a special one. I found this great gray chevron material and the white dot fleece material at the Quilting material and made her a 30 x 40 woobie out of it. It was a little more challenging than I thought it would be because the white dot material was SO much more stretch than the chevron material and the alignment keep screwing up. I had to rip the seam out more than once (grrrr). It did come out wonderfully though and I would like to make one just like it for our comforter on out bed :) 

I also had the pictures printed from our homemade "Baby Tag" photo shoot and put them together into a framed collage. I think it came out great and is the perfect final touch on her nursery. Brad hung her name up this weekend too so we are ready to bring this little bundle home :)

Girl's Day :)

Alison and I had a lovely Girl's Day last weekend. We haven't really had a chance to hang out together much lately so we decided to get out early:) I got a text from her at 8am so that we could get a plan on the books before the boys (Brad and Creighton) planned their Saturday of fun. The boys are so good at planning their get togethers and spend a few Saturdays a month together riding bikes or going to a few drinks, so Alison and I jumped the gun this time;) We met early at Solar Nails for Mani/Pedi and then went to Sushi Box for lunch. It was such an awesome day, I love spending time with her. I always feel so great after, she is such a positive influence and wonderfully easy going. I am glad to have her in my life :)

Sweet Henry

We took Henry to the vet on Saturday, 2/15, to have him put down. It was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. I have never had a dog long enough to get to this point in life and it was simply awful. He was 15 years old and at point in his life when it was just time. He cried every time he tried to sit or lay down, had lost his hearing, was shedding like crazy, losing weight incredibly fast, and had a hard time holding his bowels. It's just so sad because I believe that his brain was fine, in great shape really, his body just couldn't keep up.

We took him in and they gave him a sedative which really relaxed him and then gave him and overdose of a barbiturate (I don't know which one) that simply stopped his heart. It made me sick, I had this moment of panic when I wanted him back so badly after it was done. Just horrible.

That afternoon, I went to AC Moore and gathered supplies to make a shadow box for Brad (and myself) which now hangs in our room. I'm not surprised that I miss him, I'm just surprised at how much I miss him. I thought I was more ready for it than I was, I guess. I still get teary each time I was by the shadow box or find myself looking for him out in the yard or in the house. 

Skylar seems to be doing ok. I have heard of dogs dying from a broken heart when their partners die so we've been paying extra special attention to her and I think she's ok. She is definitely sad and she sort of wanders around the yard looking for him, but she is eating and getting around ok. She is 13 this year and is in great shape (surprisingly). My only issue with her is that she gets smelly like an old dog so I've committed to having her groomed every couple weeks so we don't have to deal with that part. I hope she's doing well, I don't think I could go through that again for quite some time. I know we'd like to get dogs again in our lives, but it will be a long time from now when the children are MUCH older. 

The Shadow Box of my boy in his prime. I also did a salt dough footprint of him. This is the foot that has the missing toe nail/part of toe from when he had cancer in Colorado. Had to capture that :) Such a good good boy. 

Valentines Day

Valentine's Day was nice this year. We don't make a thing of it in our family/relationship because it really is a silly "holiday" in my opinion. However, I do still like to observe it and get some little love felt thing for Brad, and of course, Cyrus. So, we started the day with pancakes that Cy and I made. His were chocolate chip and sprinkles and Brad and I had granola and cranberry ones. Yum! We don't do pancakes often so that was fun:)

We also exchanged gifts which included some nice cards, lots of chocolate, and I got each of my guys a little band for their Road IDs which says "I <3 U". Very Cute;)

We also met up with our parents for dinner at Mellow Mushroom, which was super nice. It was a fun day (and snow day from school at that) to spend as a family :)

Notice my card from B: "Nice Butt" - he's a charmer ;) 

Cy opening his present (book written with his name in it) from Mom and Dad.

Class Valentine's Celebration

Cy's class is having a Valentines Day celebration on Friday. I had high hopes of making really cute Valentines for his little friends at school but between getting my planning done for my maternity leave at work and final prep for the baby, I had to go generic this year (not to mention there are 30 kids in Cy's class!!). But, they still came out cute and cy and I had a great time putting them together;)

Homework

Cy's homework tonight is to find three things in a magazine that begin with the letter 'c'. We found a cat, claws, and Colorado. Cy labeled each picture by himself. His writing has come soooo far since he moved up to Pre-K at the beginning of January! I am so proud of him!!

Stubborn Babies

I had my 37.5 week check with Dr. Hirata yesterday and the outlook is not good, unfortunately. This pregnancy is progressing much like Cyrus in that my cervix is being totally unresponsive to the fact that we are almost done with this pregnancy. The major concern is that she is a big baby, much like her brother (who weighed in at 8.5 pounds), but anticipated to be bigger.

Cyrus's birth was tough. I was induced, seriously labored for 5 hours (contractions every 30 seconds for 20 - 25 seconds each…no rest, it was exhausting) with absolutely no dilation in my cervix past 1.5cm before I opted for the epidural. After the epidural, I was fully dilated in about 1.5 hours thankfully but Cyrus just couldn't engage. He couldn't get under my pelvic bones so aside from doing an emergency c-section, we opted for the vacuum. That was tough on him. He developed a cephalohematoma on the top of his head, torticollis in his neck, had to have spine manipulation and physical therapy after we figured out he was having issues. We were almost too late in that his head was FLAT (which I didn't realize was wrong) in such a way that the doc thought it was going to affect the formation of the rest of his features (eyes and ears). It was scary! They wanted to put him in a helmet for 17 months for 23 hours per day. We opted not to do that and I just did physical therapy on him each day and it definitely helped, although his head is still misshapen in the back. So, looking back on all that, I probably should have had the C-Section. My hold up then was that it didn't feel like the "right" way to bring a baby into the world. That it would be overly traumatic on him to be just yarded out of my belly without engaging in the natural progression through the vaginal canal. That being said, I think we can all agree, that his method of joining us on planet earth was not stress free for him, or for me.

So, back to Tag…she is not progressing, my cervix is not progressing, and she is just getting bigger and bigger. My doc, who is as close to a midwife as you can expect a medical professional to be, is the one who put the c-section on the table which is not like her at all. She doesn't want me to vaginally deliver a baby that is larger than 9 pounds (why do I have such large babies?!) and neither do it. So, here is what we have decided to do thus far (though this can change based on the next 2 visits). We are scheduling an induction on the 20th for a vaginal birth, but Hirata is planning on it being a 2 day labor (lord help me) at this point so I wouldn't expect to actually deliver until some point in the evening on the 21st. OR, based on the next few appts, we'll actually schedule the c-section (gulp) at which time I will go in on the 21st and have her removed.

I was really hoping my body would get on board with this pregnancy so that things would progress naturally. I am not one of those women who feels like childbirth needs to be a natural process, and I am aware enough of maternal mortality in the world to fully understand how fortunate we are to have these options to ensure a safe delivery, but it would have been nice to just have my water break and then head into the hospital after laboring at home for a bit. Oh well, it is what it is and we'll just keep moving forward in the safest way possible for me and this little nugget.

Snow Play

We have had some great snow days this year, and I mean great! We have had 5 days out of school which is so much fun for us and Cy. This latest one was wonderful because it was warm enough for the boys to play outside ALL day. I, of course, used the time to get the final things in order for Tag's arrival but the boys sledded, hiked, played, built a snow fort, and rode bikes in the snow from 10 - 4! They were both EXHAUSTED but had a wonderful day!

Baby Tag's Sprinkle

My sweet friend Alison (and Brad and my mothers) threw a Sprinkle for Baby Tag, which was lovely :) When Alison first mentioned throwing the shower I told her thanks but no thanks, I always get uncomfortable in situations like that and really hate being the center of attention, but she was relentless:) So, we got together and chatted about what would be most comfortable for me and it came together beautifully! I invited about 20 of my closest friends here in Richmond and we just hung out together, ate some delicious food, and enjoyed Carytown Cupcakes (YUM!). Our friends were so kind and gifted us with some wonderful items that will be just perfect for Baby Tag. It was such a lovely lovely event and I am so glad Alison wouldn't let me say 'no'!!

Snow Fun

We finally had snow! It was COLD this morning, 11* when we woke up. Cy and Brad had a lot of fun in the snow and I enjoyed taking pictures:) I am so glad we had Cy because it used to be me that had to get out in the snow and wrestle around with my husband…now Cy gladly does it;) They have so much fun together.

American Tap House

We met Tim and Laurie for a snow day lunch at the American Tap House today. This is the first time that I have eaten here and it was good. Brad loves it because they have 70+ beers on tap…I can't wait to drink again! Anyway, I had the veggie pita and fries and Brad had a pimento grilled cheese and fries. We had the "Governor's Suite" for our table which was wonderful;) Just as we were finishing up, our server brought this delectable dessert over for free, which was so nice! It was delicious. 4 scoops of ice cream on top of a belgian waffle, topped with strawberries, bananas, and whipped cream. YUM!

Winter Abundance

So far the Cooke family is rocking this vegetarian thing. Truthfully, it hasn't bothered me one bit nor Brad until he was tempted in Philly to have a chicken cheesesteak. He stayed the course however and is still meat free:) My new favorite meal is vegetarian egg rolls, they are so delicious and easy! Tonight I made this Winter Abundance Bowl which is absolutely amazing. It is comprised of green lentils, sweet potato, red cabbage, broccoli, jasmine rice, and avocado. Cy is doing well trying new things too. I modify his meals just a bit so that I know he will get enough to eat. For instance, tonight his dinner was sweet potato, lentils, rice, raw carrots, raw broccoli, hard boiled egg, avocado, and apple slices. He are every last bite, and so did we! Yum!!

Snow Day #2

Well, snow day #1 was a bust. No snow! But, we had a great day. Cy and I ran lots of errands, I actually went to the pool for a swim, played around the house, made delicious veggie egg rolls for dinner (my new favorite meal), and got some school work done. It was great. The best part of all…it started dumping about 6pm and got COLD so they cancelled school again! Awesome :) Between the conference and the snow days, I haven't been in school in 8 days. It's like another spring break;)

Last night, Cy put the snow day superstitions into practice to ensure that we got the day off. He slept in his pjs inside out, put ice in the toilet, and slept with a spoon under his pillow. I had not heard of this before, he heard about it at school. Brad asked how I couldn't know about it, I reminded him that I grew up in Florida. We definitely never got snow days!!

Looking forward to hanging out with the boys again today. Going to lunch at the American Tap House, will probably go back to the pool for another swim and will keep working on my lesson plans for my maternity leave which should start in 4 weeks (at the latest :))!! Love it!

SNOW DAY!

Finally! We are getting a snow day. I didn't think it was going to happen for us this year. It has been such a mild winter. We are supposed to get 4 - 6" tomorrow, we shall see about that:) I'm just happy to have one more day free of school, lots to do to get ready for this baby with regards to lesson plans and sub plans. It's hard to plan for 5 - 6 weeks of school when I'm not going to be there!

I'm looking forward to one more day of sleeping in and get to spend the day with Cy. I'm sure Brad will take Cy climbing in the afternoon, can't wait until I can play too! Few more weeks...

Oh Canada!

Brad and I had to go to Oakville Canada for the International School Experiential Education Network Conference (ISEEN) last week. When we were asked to go I thought, Yes! That would be a great get away for the 2 of us right before the baby comes, but, as the time got closer I started to get a bit nervous about the whole thing. Everyone kept saying how they couldn't believe that "they" were letting me go…I couldn't figure out who "they" was, my doctor, the airlines, the insurance companies? My doctor said all was well. I went to see her just before I left, I definitely didn't check with the airlines or my insurance. We just hopped on the plane and hoped for the best.
Luckily, there was no baby drama on the planes.  We flew out of RIC to O'Hare and all was well until we got to Chicago. The plane left and arrived on time in Chicago but when we arrived, they apparently didn't have a gate for us. So, we sat on the tarmac for almost 2 hours. That was less than comfortable and took up our entire layover. Once we finally got off the plane we had to bust it as fast as we could to get to our next gate. We got on the plane on time, moved about 6" back from the gate, and then sat…for another 1.5 hours. UGH! My poor back. We arrived in Toronto pretty late and our rental car was re-rented to someone else. Nice. So, we just took a cab to Oakville (about 30 mins) rather than try to find another one. The bad part of not having the car was that we lost our flexibility. I booked us a day early so we could go to Niagra Falls in the morning before the conference started and we weren't able to do that. It was about 1.5 hours each way and not something we could do without a car. So, we made due. We strolled around Oakville and took in the sights. It's an adorable little town.
The conference itself was busy. We were up and moving from 7am - 9pm but it was exciting and we both got so much out of it. Next year it's at Andover in Boston and I would definitely like to head back.
Our flights home were uneventful and I was less nervous heading back. Everything was on time and on schedule and when we got to the airport in RIC our sweet Cy jumped out and surprised us. My parents brought him to meet us at the airport, it was such a wonderful surprise after not seeing him for 5 days!

Movin' On Up!

Cyrus is transitioning out of his preschool class and into a pre-kindergarten class this week. He is very excited, and so am I. I had to get all kinds of school supplies for him this weekend and he will have actual homework now, which is cute. Basically that entails reading for 15 minutes a day and some other little learning worksheets and such. He's ready to make the switch. He is at a point where he is writing his name, my name, Brad's name,etc...and reading sight words. He can count to 100 and does a great job with basic addition and subtraction. He has all the days and months down par, in order, and he is pretty good at locating most states on the east coast and Colorado since he knows he was born there. He is still not too interested in crafty things like coloring and cutting and I am sure he gets that from me. There are 4 other kids from his class moving up too so I am glad he won't be the only one. I am so proud of my little bug!!

Frozen

Cy and I went to see the movie, Frozen, last week. It was so much fun going to the matinee with my little man. We don't have tv, we turned it off years ago, but we do have Netflix. Even so, Cy is not allowed to watch tv during the week so the weekends (Fri/Sat night) are considered "movie night" in our house. So, to do something so special as to take in a movie at the theatre, well, Cy was thrilled :) I had to laugh at myself though because I was definitely "that mother" who snuck in snacks. We had air popped popcorn, cheese sticks, and apples. Poor boy :)