Whispers of Change

I have been a mother for 4.5 years now. These have been, quite honestly, the most exciting and wonderful 4.5 years of my life. People say that they can't imagine life without their children, and I have to concur whole-heartedly. Being the mother to my son, Cyrus, has been amazing. I have learned so much about myself in the process of becoming this "wonder" woman to him. It has been amazing, watching him grow into this boy, this child, filled with the wonder of life every day. He amazes me with his kindness and his empathy for all things. Maybe that comes from me, those are human characteristics that I value the most, but maybe he's just a spirit that emanates love for everything that he sees. Either way, it's a beautiful thing.

4 months ago, I had my daughter, Sage. And in the past 4 months I have become a different mother. I have noticed a shift in my focus. I have noticed a change within myself. Here is what was unclear to me the moment Sage came into the world, but has become abundantly clear to me since that wonderful day. She is part of the movement, the revolution, the fight. This beautiful, bright eyed child of mine has joined the ranks with me, her mother, against the injustice and the fear that all women, everywhere must endure. I don't want that for her, I want her life to be as carefree as that of her brother's, but that will never be the case. I don't worry about her brother. Cyrus is a beautiful spirit. But, he is also a white male in an upper-middle class family. Part of his path is already laid down before him because of that fact alone. Sage however, does not have that luxury. At best, she will have to prove herself time and again simply because she is female. That she is smart, that she is driven, that she can perform as well, if not better, than her male classmates. At the worst, she will have to survive sexism from people of influence in her life, misogyny in one form or another, she will always have to be aware of her surroundings and the people that she is with, for fear that someone somewhere will feel it's their right to take advantage of her. She will have to be careful to be pretty, but not too pretty, to be opinionated but not too outspoken, too be popular but not too popular. And, if all those pressures are not enough, she will have to learn to endure and maneuver the intricacies of the teenage female psyche. The jealousy and the loathing. The way that these women, at an age when they believe that in order to shine, to be noticed, they must stand on the heads of each other and attack one another to appear strong. What they don't know yet is that if they hold each other up and stand together, and celebrate one another for their own individual successes, nothing and no one can tear them down. They are not part of the movement yet. They still believe it's a "me against them" mentality when what they need to learn is that we are in this together. I don't want Sage to ever hear me say negative things about another woman, about her appearance, her choices, her demeanor. She will hear me talk about the beauty of other women, their intelligence, their successes because she has to learn to lift her sisters up and I will model that for her. Life is different for girls, even the white upper middle class ones. Sage will learn to worry about things that Cyrus will never have to think about. Will she be able to walk to the store on the corner to grab some food at night as she gets older without getting raped? I hope to God that she will, but she'll have to think about it every step of the way. Will she have to endure a sexist boss who thinks it's ok to spew sexual innuendos at her because he thinks she won't say a thing. Will she think that she needs to bare her cleavage to secure a position rather than rely on her intelligence and her wit? Will she be pressured into having sex with her partner because she feels bad for telling him "no" or because he paid for dinner? 1:5 women in college is sexually assaulted, will she be one of them?
Whether she, or I, like it or not, she is now part of the revolution. Things are different for girls today, in the US for sure, but also if you listen closely, you can hear the whispers of change all over the world. India, Pakistan, Afghanistan, Iraq, Somalia, Rwanda - the distances we need to go in these places are vast but it is happening. Women are rising up all over the world and screaming, Enough! These ladies today have confidence and strength that we only hoped for. That gives me hope for change, for equality in life, in careers, in pay, in partnerships. I will hold her up, I will raise her to know that she is part of this movement and it is her responsibility to keep pushing it forward.  But I will also raise her to be smart, to be aware, and yes, to be scared of the what-ifs because with this strength and this courage, she also has to live the reality and unfortunately fear will be part of her reality. "Here's to Strong Women. May we know them. May we be them. May we raise them" - Unknown

Welcome Sage

Announcement

Great day to have a baby!

39 weeks and 4 days: Well, the day has FINALLY arrived! 2/21/14 will be that birthdate of my second (and final) child :) We went to the doctor yesterday and had an ultrasound to measure her size and did a cervix check to see what kind of progress we have made, if any. The good news is, that she is measuring smaller than Cyrus (which is actually not good news for me bc I've put on a total of 32 pounds this pregnancy as opposed to the 28 with Cy…eeks - got some work to do now ;( ). She is measuring at 7.11 right now but that can be off by a whole pound as it's hard to measure this late in pregnancy. As predicted, absolutely NO movement in the cervix, still just barely 1 cm. So, we decided that I will go in this afternoon at 3:30 to begin the induction process. We will start with a cervical insert today/tonight and let that soften up my cervix a bit and then the doc will come in tomorrow morning to start the pitocin drip. Boo. Oh well, we'll give it a go. If things don't progress as anticipated with her or if it looks like we'll need another birth assisted with instruments (forceps or vacuum) we are going straight to C-Section. I am SO excited to get this sweet girl out of my body and into our arms. It has been a good (ok, great) pregnancy but I'm done with it. 

Brad took a few pictures this morning in her nursery. This is the LAST time my body will look like this so I'm embracing it today:) Next week will be another story! More on that later, I'm sure ;)  

This and That For Tag

I used the rainy/snowy weekend to get a few odds and ends projects done at home in preparation for Baby Tag. I purchased a few woobies for Tag but I also wanted to make her a special one. I found this great gray chevron material and the white dot fleece material at the Quilting material and made her a 30 x 40 woobie out of it. It was a little more challenging than I thought it would be because the white dot material was SO much more stretch than the chevron material and the alignment keep screwing up. I had to rip the seam out more than once (grrrr). It did come out wonderfully though and I would like to make one just like it for our comforter on out bed :) 

I also had the pictures printed from our homemade "Baby Tag" photo shoot and put them together into a framed collage. I think it came out great and is the perfect final touch on her nursery. Brad hung her name up this weekend too so we are ready to bring this little bundle home :)

Girl's Day :)

Alison and I had a lovely Girl's Day last weekend. We haven't really had a chance to hang out together much lately so we decided to get out early:) I got a text from her at 8am so that we could get a plan on the books before the boys (Brad and Creighton) planned their Saturday of fun. The boys are so good at planning their get togethers and spend a few Saturdays a month together riding bikes or going to a few drinks, so Alison and I jumped the gun this time;) We met early at Solar Nails for Mani/Pedi and then went to Sushi Box for lunch. It was such an awesome day, I love spending time with her. I always feel so great after, she is such a positive influence and wonderfully easy going. I am glad to have her in my life :)

Sweet Henry

We took Henry to the vet on Saturday, 2/15, to have him put down. It was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. I have never had a dog long enough to get to this point in life and it was simply awful. He was 15 years old and at point in his life when it was just time. He cried every time he tried to sit or lay down, had lost his hearing, was shedding like crazy, losing weight incredibly fast, and had a hard time holding his bowels. It's just so sad because I believe that his brain was fine, in great shape really, his body just couldn't keep up.

We took him in and they gave him a sedative which really relaxed him and then gave him and overdose of a barbiturate (I don't know which one) that simply stopped his heart. It made me sick, I had this moment of panic when I wanted him back so badly after it was done. Just horrible.

That afternoon, I went to AC Moore and gathered supplies to make a shadow box for Brad (and myself) which now hangs in our room. I'm not surprised that I miss him, I'm just surprised at how much I miss him. I thought I was more ready for it than I was, I guess. I still get teary each time I was by the shadow box or find myself looking for him out in the yard or in the house. 

Skylar seems to be doing ok. I have heard of dogs dying from a broken heart when their partners die so we've been paying extra special attention to her and I think she's ok. She is definitely sad and she sort of wanders around the yard looking for him, but she is eating and getting around ok. She is 13 this year and is in great shape (surprisingly). My only issue with her is that she gets smelly like an old dog so I've committed to having her groomed every couple weeks so we don't have to deal with that part. I hope she's doing well, I don't think I could go through that again for quite some time. I know we'd like to get dogs again in our lives, but it will be a long time from now when the children are MUCH older. 

The Shadow Box of my boy in his prime. I also did a salt dough footprint of him. This is the foot that has the missing toe nail/part of toe from when he had cancer in Colorado. Had to capture that :) Such a good good boy. 

Valentines Day

Valentine's Day was nice this year. We don't make a thing of it in our family/relationship because it really is a silly "holiday" in my opinion. However, I do still like to observe it and get some little love felt thing for Brad, and of course, Cyrus. So, we started the day with pancakes that Cy and I made. His were chocolate chip and sprinkles and Brad and I had granola and cranberry ones. Yum! We don't do pancakes often so that was fun:)

We also exchanged gifts which included some nice cards, lots of chocolate, and I got each of my guys a little band for their Road IDs which says "I <3 U". Very Cute;)

We also met up with our parents for dinner at Mellow Mushroom, which was super nice. It was a fun day (and snow day from school at that) to spend as a family :)

Notice my card from B: "Nice Butt" - he's a charmer ;) 

Cy opening his present (book written with his name in it) from Mom and Dad.

Class Valentine's Celebration

Cy's class is having a Valentines Day celebration on Friday. I had high hopes of making really cute Valentines for his little friends at school but between getting my planning done for my maternity leave at work and final prep for the baby, I had to go generic this year (not to mention there are 30 kids in Cy's class!!). But, they still came out cute and cy and I had a great time putting them together;)

Homework

Cy's homework tonight is to find three things in a magazine that begin with the letter 'c'. We found a cat, claws, and Colorado. Cy labeled each picture by himself. His writing has come soooo far since he moved up to Pre-K at the beginning of January! I am so proud of him!!

Stubborn Babies

I had my 37.5 week check with Dr. Hirata yesterday and the outlook is not good, unfortunately. This pregnancy is progressing much like Cyrus in that my cervix is being totally unresponsive to the fact that we are almost done with this pregnancy. The major concern is that she is a big baby, much like her brother (who weighed in at 8.5 pounds), but anticipated to be bigger.

Cyrus's birth was tough. I was induced, seriously labored for 5 hours (contractions every 30 seconds for 20 - 25 seconds each…no rest, it was exhausting) with absolutely no dilation in my cervix past 1.5cm before I opted for the epidural. After the epidural, I was fully dilated in about 1.5 hours thankfully but Cyrus just couldn't engage. He couldn't get under my pelvic bones so aside from doing an emergency c-section, we opted for the vacuum. That was tough on him. He developed a cephalohematoma on the top of his head, torticollis in his neck, had to have spine manipulation and physical therapy after we figured out he was having issues. We were almost too late in that his head was FLAT (which I didn't realize was wrong) in such a way that the doc thought it was going to affect the formation of the rest of his features (eyes and ears). It was scary! They wanted to put him in a helmet for 17 months for 23 hours per day. We opted not to do that and I just did physical therapy on him each day and it definitely helped, although his head is still misshapen in the back. So, looking back on all that, I probably should have had the C-Section. My hold up then was that it didn't feel like the "right" way to bring a baby into the world. That it would be overly traumatic on him to be just yarded out of my belly without engaging in the natural progression through the vaginal canal. That being said, I think we can all agree, that his method of joining us on planet earth was not stress free for him, or for me.

So, back to Tag…she is not progressing, my cervix is not progressing, and she is just getting bigger and bigger. My doc, who is as close to a midwife as you can expect a medical professional to be, is the one who put the c-section on the table which is not like her at all. She doesn't want me to vaginally deliver a baby that is larger than 9 pounds (why do I have such large babies?!) and neither do it. So, here is what we have decided to do thus far (though this can change based on the next 2 visits). We are scheduling an induction on the 20th for a vaginal birth, but Hirata is planning on it being a 2 day labor (lord help me) at this point so I wouldn't expect to actually deliver until some point in the evening on the 21st. OR, based on the next few appts, we'll actually schedule the c-section (gulp) at which time I will go in on the 21st and have her removed.

I was really hoping my body would get on board with this pregnancy so that things would progress naturally. I am not one of those women who feels like childbirth needs to be a natural process, and I am aware enough of maternal mortality in the world to fully understand how fortunate we are to have these options to ensure a safe delivery, but it would have been nice to just have my water break and then head into the hospital after laboring at home for a bit. Oh well, it is what it is and we'll just keep moving forward in the safest way possible for me and this little nugget.

Snow Play

We have had some great snow days this year, and I mean great! We have had 5 days out of school which is so much fun for us and Cy. This latest one was wonderful because it was warm enough for the boys to play outside ALL day. I, of course, used the time to get the final things in order for Tag's arrival but the boys sledded, hiked, played, built a snow fort, and rode bikes in the snow from 10 - 4! They were both EXHAUSTED but had a wonderful day!

Baby Tag's Sprinkle

My sweet friend Alison (and Brad and my mothers) threw a Sprinkle for Baby Tag, which was lovely :) When Alison first mentioned throwing the shower I told her thanks but no thanks, I always get uncomfortable in situations like that and really hate being the center of attention, but she was relentless:) So, we got together and chatted about what would be most comfortable for me and it came together beautifully! I invited about 20 of my closest friends here in Richmond and we just hung out together, ate some delicious food, and enjoyed Carytown Cupcakes (YUM!). Our friends were so kind and gifted us with some wonderful items that will be just perfect for Baby Tag. It was such a lovely lovely event and I am so glad Alison wouldn't let me say 'no'!!

Snow Fun

We finally had snow! It was COLD this morning, 11* when we woke up. Cy and Brad had a lot of fun in the snow and I enjoyed taking pictures:) I am so glad we had Cy because it used to be me that had to get out in the snow and wrestle around with my husband…now Cy gladly does it;) They have so much fun together.

American Tap House

We met Tim and Laurie for a snow day lunch at the American Tap House today. This is the first time that I have eaten here and it was good. Brad loves it because they have 70+ beers on tap…I can't wait to drink again! Anyway, I had the veggie pita and fries and Brad had a pimento grilled cheese and fries. We had the "Governor's Suite" for our table which was wonderful;) Just as we were finishing up, our server brought this delectable dessert over for free, which was so nice! It was delicious. 4 scoops of ice cream on top of a belgian waffle, topped with strawberries, bananas, and whipped cream. YUM!

Winter Abundance

So far the Cooke family is rocking this vegetarian thing. Truthfully, it hasn't bothered me one bit nor Brad until he was tempted in Philly to have a chicken cheesesteak. He stayed the course however and is still meat free:) My new favorite meal is vegetarian egg rolls, they are so delicious and easy! Tonight I made this Winter Abundance Bowl which is absolutely amazing. It is comprised of green lentils, sweet potato, red cabbage, broccoli, jasmine rice, and avocado. Cy is doing well trying new things too. I modify his meals just a bit so that I know he will get enough to eat. For instance, tonight his dinner was sweet potato, lentils, rice, raw carrots, raw broccoli, hard boiled egg, avocado, and apple slices. He are every last bite, and so did we! Yum!!

Snow Day #2

Well, snow day #1 was a bust. No snow! But, we had a great day. Cy and I ran lots of errands, I actually went to the pool for a swim, played around the house, made delicious veggie egg rolls for dinner (my new favorite meal), and got some school work done. It was great. The best part of all…it started dumping about 6pm and got COLD so they cancelled school again! Awesome :) Between the conference and the snow days, I haven't been in school in 8 days. It's like another spring break;)

Last night, Cy put the snow day superstitions into practice to ensure that we got the day off. He slept in his pjs inside out, put ice in the toilet, and slept with a spoon under his pillow. I had not heard of this before, he heard about it at school. Brad asked how I couldn't know about it, I reminded him that I grew up in Florida. We definitely never got snow days!!

Looking forward to hanging out with the boys again today. Going to lunch at the American Tap House, will probably go back to the pool for another swim and will keep working on my lesson plans for my maternity leave which should start in 4 weeks (at the latest :))!! Love it!

SNOW DAY!

Finally! We are getting a snow day. I didn't think it was going to happen for us this year. It has been such a mild winter. We are supposed to get 4 - 6" tomorrow, we shall see about that:) I'm just happy to have one more day free of school, lots to do to get ready for this baby with regards to lesson plans and sub plans. It's hard to plan for 5 - 6 weeks of school when I'm not going to be there!

I'm looking forward to one more day of sleeping in and get to spend the day with Cy. I'm sure Brad will take Cy climbing in the afternoon, can't wait until I can play too! Few more weeks...

Oh Canada!

Brad and I had to go to Oakville Canada for the International School Experiential Education Network Conference (ISEEN) last week. When we were asked to go I thought, Yes! That would be a great get away for the 2 of us right before the baby comes, but, as the time got closer I started to get a bit nervous about the whole thing. Everyone kept saying how they couldn't believe that "they" were letting me go…I couldn't figure out who "they" was, my doctor, the airlines, the insurance companies? My doctor said all was well. I went to see her just before I left, I definitely didn't check with the airlines or my insurance. We just hopped on the plane and hoped for the best.
Luckily, there was no baby drama on the planes.  We flew out of RIC to O'Hare and all was well until we got to Chicago. The plane left and arrived on time in Chicago but when we arrived, they apparently didn't have a gate for us. So, we sat on the tarmac for almost 2 hours. That was less than comfortable and took up our entire layover. Once we finally got off the plane we had to bust it as fast as we could to get to our next gate. We got on the plane on time, moved about 6" back from the gate, and then sat…for another 1.5 hours. UGH! My poor back. We arrived in Toronto pretty late and our rental car was re-rented to someone else. Nice. So, we just took a cab to Oakville (about 30 mins) rather than try to find another one. The bad part of not having the car was that we lost our flexibility. I booked us a day early so we could go to Niagra Falls in the morning before the conference started and we weren't able to do that. It was about 1.5 hours each way and not something we could do without a car. So, we made due. We strolled around Oakville and took in the sights. It's an adorable little town.
The conference itself was busy. We were up and moving from 7am - 9pm but it was exciting and we both got so much out of it. Next year it's at Andover in Boston and I would definitely like to head back.
Our flights home were uneventful and I was less nervous heading back. Everything was on time and on schedule and when we got to the airport in RIC our sweet Cy jumped out and surprised us. My parents brought him to meet us at the airport, it was such a wonderful surprise after not seeing him for 5 days!

Movin' On Up!

Cyrus is transitioning out of his preschool class and into a pre-kindergarten class this week. He is very excited, and so am I. I had to get all kinds of school supplies for him this weekend and he will have actual homework now, which is cute. Basically that entails reading for 15 minutes a day and some other little learning worksheets and such. He's ready to make the switch. He is at a point where he is writing his name, my name, Brad's name,etc...and reading sight words. He can count to 100 and does a great job with basic addition and subtraction. He has all the days and months down par, in order, and he is pretty good at locating most states on the east coast and Colorado since he knows he was born there. He is still not too interested in crafty things like coloring and cutting and I am sure he gets that from me. There are 4 other kids from his class moving up too so I am glad he won't be the only one. I am so proud of my little bug!!

Frozen

Cy and I went to see the movie, Frozen, last week. It was so much fun going to the matinee with my little man. We don't have tv, we turned it off years ago, but we do have Netflix. Even so, Cy is not allowed to watch tv during the week so the weekends (Fri/Sat night) are considered "movie night" in our house. So, to do something so special as to take in a movie at the theatre, well, Cy was thrilled :) I had to laugh at myself though because I was definitely "that mother" who snuck in snacks. We had air popped popcorn, cheese sticks, and apples. Poor boy :)

8.5 months

Uh oh, I know that puffy face. Reminds me so much of what I looked like in Middle School. I had the same puffy face when Cy was born. 

We are getting there!!! I had my 8.5 month check up with the doctor and she seems to be growing just fine. I am a bit concerned because I haven't put on any weight in about 5 weeks (I have gained 24 pounds and am holding steady) but the doctor said that Tag is measuring just fine and the she is still growing, guess I am just not which is fine by me. I am off to Canada next week and then when we get back we are into the weekly meetings with the doctor. Very exciting! Sleep is not easy, my back is hurting pretty much all the time and the veins in my legs are protruding and painful this time but I'm trying some compression socks to see if that makes a difference, stay tuned on that one. 

All in all though, this has been a great pregnancy. I am ready for it to be over but that is just because I am not a good pregnant woman. I am thrilled that I have easy pregnancies and that the baby is doing well. Maybe she'll come a bit early this time?! One can hope :)

St. Mary's Hospital

Brad, Cy and I had our appointment at St. Mary's today to check out the Birthing Suite and the recovery area. It is actually much nicer than I thought it would be. I know I was spoiled by giving birth in Steamboat so I am glad to see that this hospital will be nice, warm, and comfortable as well.
It took us 11 minutes to get to the hospital from our house so that's comforting. The policy at the hospital is that we will labor and deliver in one room, recover in that room for about 2 hours (if all goes well and I have a vaginal birth again), and then move to a recovery room where we will stay for 2 nights for a vaginal birth and 3 nights for a cesarean.
St. Mary's does implement this beautiful policy of "magic hour"where they ask the the new mom and dad spend the first hour of the baby's life with just the three of us, for a whole hour, bonding and enjoying the moment. I love that. With all 4 grandparents in town now I will cherish that time with the baby before they get to the hospital, and even before Cyrus comes in to meet Tag. I think that is going to be so wonderful.
So, I am looking forward to meeting this beautiful little girl in about 6 weeks at St. Mary's…just wish I didn't actually have to birth her :) OUCH!!

Sprinkle

My sweet friend Alison has decided (against my wishes) to throw me a Sprinkle to celebrate this sweet baby girl that I am growing. I just received my invitation in the mail today. It's so cute. She is so good to me.

Heat Pump

On the coldest night of the year, our heating pump decided to stop working. I was home most of the day and thought it was chilly but didn't really notice that it was down right cold until Brad came home. He mentioned that it was cold so we looked and the temp in the house was down to 60*. Brrr! So, he checked it out and the heating pump was definitely not kicking on. Why do things like this always seem to happen on Friday afternoons?!
So, as the day progressed the temp in the house dropped. Luckily, the downstairs of our house has it's own separate heating pump so, we moved into the guest area downstairs. It was actually nice;) Warm and toasty with the downstairs fire place burning brightly. We hunkered down there all night, and had a picnic dinner. Cy slept on the blow up mattress, Brad slept in the bed, and I slept on the sectional. It really was one of the best nights sleep I've had in awhile actually. My back has been killing me in our bed, so that was actually nice.
Brad called Dominion on Saturday morning while I was at the swim meet and they came and fixed it. By time I got home, the house was toasty and warm. Never a dull moment at the Cooke house:)

Brrrr….50* and still dropping

Taking over the guest room, between my sewing table and moving in, we basically destroyed the guest room :)

The Minature

For Christmas this year, Jill presented me with her Miniature ring that Brad gifted her with during his Ring Figure during his Junior year at VMI. The Ring Figure event represents an important milestone in the life of a cadet, second only to graduation in importance. Each class is responsible for designing a unique ring, which incorporates symbols significant to the group. The elaborate Ring Figure tradition known to today's cadets dates to the 1920's; prior to that time, rings were received in a much more informal setting. Miniature versions of class rings are sometimes given to fiancées as engagement ring or to Mothers as a 'Mother's ring'. 

Generally, when we go to VMI functions, most of the women wear their miniatures and the men always wear their rings. I am so so so glad to have one of my own now:) I love it. I need to send it off to have it resized because it's too big right now and I'm going to do that this week. I love it.

Burp Cloths

I have been experimenting with my new sewing machine, and I LOVE it. It's amazing!!! I've only made a few burp cloths so far and have had a great time with it. Here are my creations so far:)

I have some good ideas of things I want to

Making the Switch :(

I really REALLY enjoy my coffee creamer. I generally use Coffee Mate Sugar Free Hazelnut but here's the thing, it has a LOT of ingredients. Regardless of how yummy it is, I can't get over the amount of ingredients that I can't pronounce. So, I am switching to Half and Half. Not as sweet, not as yummy, and definitely not the little slice of heaven that I look forward to each morning. I'm going to give it a shot and see how it goes. Hmph.

Idiopathic Vestibular Event

Last night, my sweet Skylar gave me a heart attack. I was cooking dinner in the kitchen when she stumbled in like a drunk person. She fell down in the middle of the floor and just looked at me. She is 14 and does fall sometimes but this was so weird. So I just patted her a bit and talked to her until it seemed like she was ready to try again. We got her up and asked her to walk a bit and the same thing happened, it was like she had no control over her back end. I promptly burst into tears. Henry has been fading pretty significantly for the past 6 months so I'm prepared for his passing but Sky has been just fine so this was shocking.

So, she wobbled into the sitting room and laid under the table. I promptly got on the internet to see what was going on. I came across something called an Idiopathic Vestibular event which is very common in older labs. It comes on very quickly and then tapers off over the next 24 - 48 hours. They don't really have a definitive answer as to why this happens but an inner ear infection can trigger it. This could be the case with Sky, she always has ear issues.

When we woke up this morning, she seems to be fine. She ate both dinner and breakfast last night and is acting totally normally today. I may still bring her to the vet to get her ears checked but if she continues to get better I can assume it was an IVE and there is nothing the vets can do about that. It's hard having old dogs. Sky has been with me for 14 years…I love that dog.

From The Mouth Of Babes...

Cy and I were driving around, running errands, the other day and we got on the topic of baby Jesus and God, which we often do. Cy and I have been going to church a lot more this year and we do spend a good bit of time talking about God so I love when he brings it up on his own and tells me what he thinks. Cyrus asked me if he was going to be as big and as strong as God one day and I told him No, there would be no way that he would ever be as strong as God because God has to take care of the whole world. Cy said it would be great to be as big as "him". I asked him, "how do you know that God is a man and not a woman?" And, without missing a beat, Cy said, "well mama, God is both". Blew me away. How can he understand that at 4?

I don't guide his spiritual journey because I don't feel qualified to do so. My own spiritual journey has been so tumoltuous and I have finally arrived at a place with my understanding of who God is to me which I am grateful for, but by no means do I intend to direct Cyrus in how he should believe in God and who God should be for him. Because of this, I worry that he misses out on things without me "directing" him, but this one little comment from him tells me that I can just turn it over to God and let God take the reins.

New Year's Day Dinner

All the parents came over tonight for a delicious New Year's Day dinner. I used my new crock pot to make our annual sauerkraut dish (sauerkraut, turkey kielbasa, carrots, and kale), my mom made her pork and sauerkraut meal and Doc and Jill brought the southern classic of black eyed peas and sausage. It was so yummy!

Brad told me a few days ago that he wants to go vegetarian for awhile. I was a vegetarian for about 10 years so I am ok with it but we do have some meat in the fridge that we've been trying to eat. So, after the meal tonight we're pretty cleared out in the meat department. I have actually made a few DELICIOUS dinners this week that were meat free and yummy. My only stipulation is that we are not going to fall back on rice or pasta every night just to fill up (which is what I did when I was a vegetarian). So, I've been looking on Pinterest for good recipes and of course, there are tons and tons. My favorites this week were Cuban lack beans, coconut and lime rice, and mango & a Kale, Leek, and Lentil with Tempeh dish. Yum.

Welcome 2014

It's that time of year again, when we announce to ourselves exactly what it is we would like to work on to become a better version of ourselves. Here is what I have come up with for this year…

Motherhood:

• I want to continue to be the kind of mom that Cy wants/needs, especially since we are going to have a new little person in our lives. I am worried about this transition so I will focus on being the same mama to him then that I am now
• I would like to implement a date day with Cyrus during this first year of Tag's life so that we can continue to work on our relationship as he grows.
• I want to be accepting and patient of this little girl who is about to enter our family. I had a hard time adjusting to life as a mother with Cyrus, and now that I know what to expect, I want to face this challenge a little more proactively and head on this time around. 

Marriage

• I would like to practice more kindness with Brad. It's not that I'm not kind to him and it's not that we don't have a great relationship but I do find that sometimes I am more patient and forgiving with people that mean way less to me than my husband does. Sometimes, I give all I have all day long and he gets what's left over at the end of the night, which is not always loving. So I will work on that.
• With this new baby coming, I would like to try to focus on making sure we have time to spend together as husband and wife and best friends, without the children, so that we can continue to grow as a couple and not just as parents.
• Continue to do things that we enjoy together, especially outdoor activities when we are both happiest.

Self:

• I want to practice more "grace" in my daily life. This word is somewhat of a mantra for me, has been for quite some time. I think one of the most wonderful characteristics a person can possess is grace and be willing to afford that to others. I focus on it daily, with my students, with my son, with strangers (except when I'm driving, and then I'm just a total bitch), and most importantly with my husband. But, in the moments, the really important moments, I find it hard to practice grace and giving of grace to others so this is one of my goals. To practice grace in the hard and the important moments and to give this grace to others. As they say, "those who live in a glass house should not throw stones".
• After the baby comes, one of my goals is to get my body back in shape. I don't really care about what I weigh. Often times, I think there is a perfect # on the scale for me when in reality it's more about my strength and speed than that number. Before I got pregnant, I was stronger than I may have ever been in my life. I was toned and had a pretty decent six(ish) pack…but the scale said I was about 7 pounds heavier than what I deemed ideal for myself. So, I choose to ignore the scale and focus on my fitness.
• Races: sign up and do them. I would like to do 4 - 5 sprint triathlons this season plus another 1/2 ironman. I also want to throw in a few half marathons and 5k/10ks. I'd love to train for a longer (50K) running race again but it depends on the kiddos. I am not sure what my training schedule will look like have a new baby plus my sweet boy but I will do my best. I'm not thinking I'll PR this season but just being in the game will be momentum for me. 

Financial - Our financial life is SO much better than it has ever been and it is wonderful to breathe easier again, it's been a long time. We are close to being where I want to be and have come a long way since the days of Over The Moon. My financial goals for the year are: 

• Become debt free in 2014. We are close, so stinking close (although Christmas set us back a bit), to being debt free and I just want to get there. We paid off both of our cars last year and one credit card. We have 2 credit cards left that we can pay off in about 7 months. After those are gone, we will not owe anything to anyone…I can't imagine what that will feel like! 

• My goal last year was to just put something away in savings each month, regardless of what it was. We have done that this year and have done well with it. It is so comforting to have a backup should we need it. My goal is to continue to put a money into our savings each month but to increase the amount quite a bit. Having a second kid in daycare is going to make this a bit of a challenge next year but we'll do our best. Cy and Tag in daycare will cost us about $2000 per month (puke) but it's for only one 9 month period and then Cy will enter Kindergarten at Collegiate (for free, I still can't believe that) and we'll be down to one daycare payment again. We are going to feel seriously rich when both kids are out of daycare with an extra $2000 per month…I am DEFINITELY getting a new road bike then :)
• Continue to spend only cash and not use our credit cards. We did use them for Christmas a bit this year and though I was glad we could do it, all this "stuff" is just not worth that heavy feeling of having extra debt because of it. We've been great at just using cash for everything, it was definitely uncomfortable switching to this system but it has made all the difference for our financial life. 

So, there you have it. Pretty ambitious year I think but all worthy of my time and attention. I am hoping that writing it here will help to keep me accountable throughout this year.

My Hospital Bag

After packing Tag's overnight bag for the hospital I started feeling a little anxious about my own bag, so I packed it up today. It's been so long that I had to look online to see what kinds of things I should bring with me to the hospital. I definitely don't want to bring too much stuff but knowing myself, after I have the baby, I am going to want to clean up and get cozy and cute…so I kept that in mind:) It is so hard to know what's going to fit. They say everything will be about the same size it was at 6 months so I'm going with that. I don't remember from last time but I do remember that I packed some of my normal clothes to wear home last time and could not get my belly into it. I didn't know how big my uterus would still be after, but I know this time:) So I'm bringing some cute maternity things that aren't too obviously maternity:)

I decided on:

• a going home outfit of tights and a flowy top with flats
• a pair of black yoga pants and two other comfy but cute tops, depending on what I'm feeling like
• a robe and my new cozy Ugg slippers that I got for Christmas
• something to sleep in
• flip flops
• undies and sports bras
• toiletries 
• a boppy pillow
• snacks for me and for Brad (apparently, not all hospitals are as amazing as Steamboat and this is a requirement): plantain chips, fruit leather, Almond thins and Justin's almond butter, & a few bars
• a Tumbler for water
• electronic chargers

That should do it, I hope I'm not forgetting anything. So, now we hurry up and wait :) 7 weeks and counting….

Tag's Overnight Bag

I packed Tag's overnight bag today to take to Canada with us in a few weeks. I am sure that all will be well, but, should I go into labor while we are in Canada, I want to make sure I have some things for her in the hospital and for the flight home. That would be so crazy, doable, but crazy. I hope that does not happen.

I packed a few Aden and Anais swaddle blankets, three outfits, some teeny tiny diapers, shoes, hats, and winter swaddlers, and a few other odds and ends. It's so weird to be packing a diaper bag again, it's been so long! I am super excited about meeting this little one though, sooner rather than later (but not Canada sooner!).

Tag's cute diaper bag. I found it on Land's End and love it. I tried to take the picture far enough away so the name is not discernible yet:) I love the polka dots!! So cute

Williamsburg

We decided to go down to Williamsburg to visit Todd, Sallie, and the girls for the afternoon. It was so fun. We don't see them very often so we try to get together when we can. Brad and Todd went for a mountain bike ride and Sallie and I took the kids to Kid Burg, which as a really cool play area. Sallie made a delicious vegetable soup for dinner and we hung out until 6pm when Todd had to go to work. It was really fun and the kids had a great time together, as always.